Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
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literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Everclear isn't food dammit
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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