I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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