White coat. Heels.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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