please come you make the beer taste better
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
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