im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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