if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
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I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
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You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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