they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
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I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
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i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
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