They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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