My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
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