i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
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I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
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I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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