Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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