is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
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i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
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When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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