she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize