Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
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I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
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im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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