I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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