And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize