Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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