Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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