i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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