JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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