Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
And then my night got REAL pukey
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Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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