he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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