if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Mom said you looked used
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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