Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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