i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize