Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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