Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
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you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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