Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize