i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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