it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize