i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize