I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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