Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize