did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize