Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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