Your face is a jimmy john
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
there is glitter all over my balls
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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