What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
barbara walters just said penis...
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize