Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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