I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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