Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
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Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
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If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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