You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize