Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just gargled with NyQuil
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
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