Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
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It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
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Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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