if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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