but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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