that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Randomize
