i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
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I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize