8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
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Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
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i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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