mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
we made out on top of his cat.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
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