you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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