We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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