I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
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there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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